Presidential welcome speech for Omama

It is my greatest pleasure to welcome you on my own behalf, my government and the people of the Republic of Ghana, Your Excellency President Barack Hussein oSama to this beautiful land and great people. (ADC whispers into the ears please sir the name is OBAMA not the wanted terrorist Osama). Oh ei sorry sir the great one I meant to say Obama. Of course the whole world recognises your personal stance and effort on the fight against terrorism and so I dare not call you a chief terrorist. To atone for this blunder, I promise to get my Oguaa Traditional Authorities to confer on you an immaculate title benefiting your status of whiteman in black skin. I will personally ensure that you are given the great accolade 'Osagyefo Oseadeyo Agyeman Moses Elijah Double II'.

Hehehehehe (reminiscent of Idi Amin Dada Oumee "I am the hero of Africa. In any country there must be people who have to die. Sometimes people mistake the way I talk for what I am thinking") great whiteman in black skin. Why do you think I am sending you to the slave dungeon @Oguaa?

You see, when the white people came here to our shores in 1471, gold was in abundance everywhere so they called our country the Gold Coast. When the gold was nearly exhausted, they turned to the human resources of the land and traded in our people. They completely uprooted over nine generations and afterwards made us suffer the humiliation of colonialism for over another 100 hundred years which was nothing more the naked daylight robbery of our resources for the development of metropolitan Europe. Why is it that since the 1970s when the major colonies gained their political and economic independence from the UK, the British Empire declined and today has vanished? I want you to see and feel "the door of no return" and the inhumane manner they mistreated us on our soil in order to build your great country America. You of course has no blame to bear or apologise for. The great whiteman in black sin all I am saying is that we have reached another milestone in our history. The great maker of heaven and earth has found it necessary to put in the belly of our land 'Black gold'. This time, the gold is not onshore but inshore and considering the fact that in many parts of our continent the discovery of this resource has been a curse, we would do the wisest thing. It would be great once again to have the opportunity to count on your benevolence to help us develop this black gold without the usual rancour known to take place elsewhere among our neighbours. I can confidently tell you that many of our people are now so disillusioned about the so-called independence that they crave for the whiteman to come back to subjugate them after fifty-two years of confusion and checkered governance. I however, cannot openly let you retake the nation back like that since it was mortgaged before the last December general elections. Like the credit crunch, fighting from the trenches was not easy especially concerning finances. Our no-nonsense founder therefore thought it right and wise to seek help from the River State. I suggest you go and see my 'massa' the ridge residenter to redeem the issue in question you know. Ei hmm before I sit down, let me say this. You know a good for nothing group wanted to go on aluta. But this is certainly not permissible in the envisioned police state I am creating and considering your recent outbursts against Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of the Islamic Republic of Iran for not allowing the people to express themselves, not TiGo!, I did a very good PR gimmick on your behalf. I saved you from the humiliation that Ahmadinejad and his likes would have irked on you. I contravened the judicial ruling by authorising the IGP to let the group embark on the demonstration although I was dead scared of the repurcussions in the face of ecomini otwa tea Transitional Tea and Khebab diapers. Fortunately, the idiots read thru my game and backdown, they should thank whoever advised them. Insha Allah, I tell you May5, would have been a joke if they had made the mistake to accept my unqualified offer. I would have unleash on them the COFAG who are more militarised than the ACDRs. To conclude, your excellency the great whiteman in black, 'Osagyefo Oseadeyo Agyeman Moses Elijah Double II', you and your most extremely beautiful wife who has given you (akoa ti ye ooo unlike my Naadu) two equally beautiful girls are very much welcome to the Republic of Ghana and its proverbial hospitable people. We believe that this visit, the first to sub-saharan Africa will consolidate our long and fruitful unbalanced relationship. You just take what you can from us and leave us the crumbs to lick. We shall forever cherish the memory of this day. God bless Ghana and USA. Thank you.